The human brain can hold five times more information than the Encyclopedia Britannica; Yet for some reason when it comes to the game of Scrabble it appears I can’t spell anything with more than three letters.
Scrabble, although called a board game, is anything but a game. It is, in 
essence, putting your intelligence on trial; which leaves the question: Why did I ever agree to play against my girlfriend Amanda?
At the time we had just started dating, so as to how I agreed to reveal I have the spelling capacity of a six year old is still a mystery to me. Sure she, like anyone who enjoys the game of Scrabble, fed me the standard “it’s okay I’m not good at it either” line to get me to play. I have found that as a general rule anyone who says this to you about Scrabble probably carries an official Scrabble Dictionary in their back pocket.
What follows is a brief transcript of the ‘game’:
Thirty Seconds Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
This should be fun; Her and I have never played a board game together before. Should be a lot of laughs. Ha, if I rearrange these letters I can spell ‘tit’. Oh man that is funny.
One Minute Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
Okay, she spelt ‘being’, good start. I can work with that. Alright what should I do...?
Five Minutes Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
What should I do?! Come on, she’s starting to look at me funny. This is not good, stumped on first turn. Just focus, clear your mind. Don’t worry, just focus on the letters. ‘Being’, ‘being’... what can I do with the word ‘being’... well I could do ‘tit’, no I can’t do that. How would that make me look? Must think here, come on, think...
Eight Minutes Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
This is getting ridiculous. If I don’t go right now she’s going to flip out on me. Why can I not spell anything? I don’t care! I’m using 'tit' no matter how bad it makes me look.
Eight Minutes and Twenty Eight Seconds Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
Why did I ever use the word 'tit'? Look how she reacted! Man, I hate myself! Why didn’t I suggest a game of Life? I could be cruising around the game board in my little car, wife and kids in the back, with a nice big mansion, maybe being a rock star... ‘tennis’ she was able to spell the word ‘tennis’... maybe I should’ve been thinking of my next move.
Twelve Minutes Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
This is stupid, I write all the time, I’m a freaking writer for crying out loud! How can the word ‘no’ be my best option here. I’ll do it, get my turn over with, and get some really good letters for next time...
(Amanda spells the word squirrel and waits for Derek to place his word)
Fourteen Minutes Into Game – Derek’s Mind:
The brain you are attempting to use is currently away on vacation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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